I have a huge craving to smoke cigarettes. But. I. am. not. a. smoker. This poses huge challenges in fulfilling the urge. See I have been vehemently against smoking since a very young age. My dad was always against it while my mom would sneak a smoke once in a while when at a party. So I just mimicked my father, as children tend to do. I made it through my teen years with out the nicotine addiction and was too busy raising kids to catch the fever in my 20's and 30's. Now in the dawn of my 40's, I find a few more free minutes in the day and a wee bit of stress to dwell on during those idle moments and I am delirious with the cigarette smoking bug.
Unfortunately for me (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I have been so vocal and aggressive in my anti-smoking rants that it would be a huge blow to the pride to give in now. I believe I even once said, and I quote, "I would rather see my daughter giving a blow job in a gas station bathroom than see her smoking a fucking CIGARETTE!". Exactly. Just how do I light up now?
I also have a great desire to take up yoga. Like seriously take up yoga. I've taken a class here or there over the years. I live in a very yoga friendly place. Throw a rock and you are likely to hit a mat and its yogi. I love the individuality of it and the spiritual aspect as well. A new practice could definitely help me deal with some of the anxiety I now have. Days can be filled with stress from dealing with an unruly client to figuring out how in the world high school counselors keep their jobs. Yoga may be just the fix I need. Finding the right studio can be daunting though. There is bikrim yoga, hatha yoga, ashtanga...I mean, the list goes on to where I just give up and go back to craving a ciggie, a fag, a damn smoke.
So...what to do? I know right. If I take up yoga which is healthy and positive and good for me and then add in the cancer stick which is just unhealthy and negative and bad for me, I really am at the same place I am now minus a couple o' ben franks. Maybe I'll get a nicotine patch and do a sun salutation and quit worrying about it.
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