Gluhwein is to be sipped while shopping at an outside Christmas market in Germany. Unfortunately, I wasn't at a Weihnachtsmarkt but was very honored to be sharing a glass with some lovely new friends in the warmth of our dining room. I thought it tasted much like a really good bottle of cherry flavored NyQuil heated to 170'.

So, this hot alcoholic beverage has got me thinking...how do we, as parents, keep warm during the bitterly cold season of adolescence? The opportunity to second guess eachother turn on eachother, and eventually part ways can grow on an hourly basis. At the end of the day, the children will be gone and we will have to face our relationship head on. I speak of the marital relationship, particularly the two people who created this family unit but that is often not the case and therefore can refer to 2nd marriages and beyond. Regardless, if you have survived first your own teenage years and then your children's, you may find a few minutes when it is all said and done, to look at yourself and your partner and take stock. Just how much collateral damage was there?

There are days that it feels like war and much like the warring factions of Falluja, it isn't always easy to tell who is on who's side. It is important to determine early on (end of grade school at the latest) which team you will be on. Are you a Jet or a Shark? The kids never seem to have this problem but us parents can really screw this part up. Get a game plan and go forth. Strike early and don't leave any men down in enemy territory. Those youths are dangerous and can easily brainwash a lone parent, watch out for traps which can come in the form of last minute school projects and a late night drive to Kinkos. 

In the quest to make moral, healthy and happy people who go off to college and don't take all of your money, you can certainly risk your friendships, partnerships and especially yourself if you aren't very careful. Be gentle with the parents you know who are fighting this fight and be reverent to those who made it. These years are not for sissy's and leaves many in therapy for years to come or at the very least, committed pill poppers.

So here we are, back at the Gluhwein. What is your glue-wine that keeps you warm and loving your mate in the cold? In the old days, when wine went bad they added spices and honey to make it good again. If you find your whine has gone bad and is no longer appreciated, try adding something sweet and mull it over a bit.

How long did the last supper take?

My mother-in-law once told me that when she quit smoking she worked puzzles to help her take her mind off not smoking. I can't say I'm giving up any bad habits but with Mark off on a much deserved surf trip, I realize I am trying to quit being so bored out of my mind! It's really quite pitiful and I should spend a moment or two figuring out how not to be so co-dependent but that is for another day. Don't get me wrong, a moody 13 year old and uncontrollable 16 year old will definitely keep one, how shall I put it...occupied, but I really miss my best friend. So, in his absence, I have been working on puzzles. We found a 500 piece of "To My One Desire" from a garage sale for $2 which it turns out was missing 3.5 pieces. (Yup, a piece was torn in half.) The kids and I skipped church, the street fair and even lunch to put those pieces together. It was sheer heaven! To spend, literally, 8 hours just inches from my teenagers (without screaming, crying or lecturing) while we came together in a common cause was absolutely the very best of days!

Eventually Monday came around without a garage sale in site so we ran to Target and purchased what has to be the most unbelievably difficult jigsaw puzzle known to man-a 2000 piece depiction of Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper. I understand it took Leo over 3 years to paint the famous fresco. I'm not sure I will get my Target version done in a faster amount of time. However, if it means a few more stolen moments with the young ones, maybe I too, as Da Vinci is said to have, procrastinate and revel in the peace a puzzle can create.

Why?

Last Friday morning, while waiting to "close the deal" with an O.C. non-profit (that really does some wonderful work from gang prevention to sheltering homeless teens), I found myself flipping through a parenting guide. It was several pages with colorful cartoons and lots of really helpful information for parents of little people. It was brilliant! I had forgotten all the hidden dangers and possible death traps. With the turn of each page, I mentally checked off each tip. I had always checked the water temperature before putting the baby in the bathtub and only once or twice let a screaming boy out of the car seat while the car was moving. I realized I hadn't been too bad of a mother! They had survived without being mauled by a rabid dog or gotten their heads stuck in a rickety crib but then I got to the end of the booklet and was crushed, devastated, to be honest. It took me to maybe age 4 or 5. I scavenged the coffee table. Where was the "how to keep your teenager alive" booklet? Or the "how to keep yourself alive while raising a teenager" leaflet? No where. Nothing. Not even a post-it with suggested curfew times. Throw me a freaking bone people. What kind of an outfit was this? But, alas, this is where most parenting advice ends and here is where I begin. I'm committed to surviving these tumultuous teen years. So...that's why. And, no, I still don't know if I closed the deal.